Thursday, March 12, 2009

The Message

I am amazed by your love

and your never ending peace

so often, I take it for granted

as I stare at the sky and

see nothing

I am missing it

what is right in front of me

your hands created the

managerie of colors above me

there is such beauty in the

mind of the Lord

how he paints the portrait in the sky

to remind us of the love he has for us

He isn't leaving a message in words

but only in the transition from the rising

or the setting sun

it is the mystery of our Lord

the one who chose to make

us in his likeness

Each day, the sky is different

Each day, he paints anew

Each day, we are reminded

of the love of Jesus Christ

who shed his blood

so that we could be free

from apocalypse and pain

we are cleansed becase he died

we are free because he rose again

God reminds us in the sky

So, when your weary

or tired

and the day has come to an end

the darkness is looming ahead

looking to the sky

and remember our Lord

and his message

He is painting a message in the sky

Sunday, November 2, 2008


Musical: Untitled

Act I
Scene I

Setting: a plain bedroom with simple drab curtains and a quilt on the small bed. The walls are white and matte. There is a very small bathroom to the right of the bed.
A Young woman slowly climbs out of bed and makes her way over to the small mirror and stares at her appearance. Her hair is tousled and blonde. She shakes her head and begins to sing…

Distortions of Me

Is there more beyond this face
Can anyone see behind these eyes
Imperfections seem to glare back at me
Is there a soul
Behind the ivory

My heart is crying out
To see more than these
Distortions of me
Beyond the surface lies
So much more and
I am no longer wrapped up
In the distortions of me

Has it always been that emotions
Have been driven by a face
How do others see it
Here in my shell
These eyes are reaching
To let the soul be heard
I have let them hear
Beyond the distortions of me

I want to ear my heart on the outside
And let others in
And love cannot be
Without a heart
No one will see
Beyond these distortions of me

Then out of nowhere a man in a yellowed white suit with bags under his eyes appears behind Abby and taps his foot waiting while she continues to cry. Then Abby looks up startled and stares at the man for several minutes and then slowly stands up to speak

Abby: (looking him up and down) Who are you?

Conscience: Is all you do is cry to yourself?

Abby: No! (she snaps and then dries her nose with her sleeve) and you didn’t answer my question?

Conscience: I’m your conscience Weepy, and I’ve come to talk to you abut your love affair with the doctor.

Abby: I don’t know what you mean, I’m not in love with anyone.

Conscience: Abby I’m your conscience, I live in your head, I know these things and he isn’t worth it.

Abby: Yeah, well, try telling my heart that (Abby sits in a kitchen chair)

Conscience: (say with attitude) Tried that, that old woman is so deaf, she can’t hear herself beat

Abby: (talking to audience) Who is this guy? He must think he actually exists or something (shrugs shoulders and raises arms as if surrendering)

Conscience: (approaches Abby and Places his hand on her shoulder) Hey! Hey! What do you mean not real, Weepy? I am so real!

Abby: Don’t call me Weepy and no your not real, you’re just in my head (points to her temple)

Conscience: Try telling your psychiatrist that without ending up in a padded cell

Abby: Go away! I’m fine! (turns away from him angrily)

Conscience: Yeah sure, crying here to yourself, wishing you could run away and forget it all. Grow up!

Abby: I’m not listening to you anymore (starts singing lalala loudly to herself with fingers in her ears)

Conscience: And how old are you? (Puts hands on hips)

Then all of a sudden, Abby pulls her fingers out of her ears and smiles to herself. She slowly turns to Conscience smiling brightly. Then she speaks…

Abby: Why not? That’s it! I’m done, I’m leaving!

Conscience: What are you talking about?

Abby: (puts her hands on Conscience’s arms) I’m running away Conscience. I’m going to leave this dump and find a new life. (Abby goes into the bedroom, pulls out a suitcase, and feverishly starts to pack.) Why didn’t I think of it before, I mean here I was day-in and day-out working and sitting at home alone and never living. Conscience did you realize, I’m dead, I’m no longer breathing; I need to get out of here. (She pushes past Conscience and makes her way to the door).

Conscience: Abby don’t do it, you are breathing, I know I’m your conscience. Am I going to have to make you feel guilty…

Abby: (interrupting Conscience) You can’t anymore, I’m done. I am leaving, I want to live. I am tired of being sad all of the time. I can’t be alone here anymore… (starts singing)

Come Alive

Is it me who is alone
Somewhere in time
And I feel as if I have come so much further
Than the rest
Have I come so far

And I am still searching
And my heart is no longer beating
I will come alive
And feel something inside
And I am hoping
To come alive
And to live

My hand on the surface of the water
Wants to feel what is beyond
My tears do not leave
The surface of my eyes
But at least my heart will be living

I feel as if my breathe has left my body
And my pulse has no beat
My brain dead mind
Can no longer hide
Behind the vacant eyes
And I want to come alive

Conscience: Well good luck Weepy, but remember I’ll be back.

Abby: Whatever, I won’t miss you, it’s not as if you’ve ever helped me. Goodbye see yah later.

Abby turns and grabs her suitcase off the floor and heads out the door. Scene ends.

Scene II

Setting: A city street, Abby is standing on the sidewalk and looking around at the people running about going different places. She crosses the street and begins to walk downt he sidewalk and sings…

Distortions of Me/Come Alive

Is there more beyond this face
Can anyone see beyond these eyes
My heart is crying out
And I am still searching
And my heart is no longer beating
I will come alive
I will come alive…

Abby walks into an apartment building, which is dingy and dark, walks up to the front desk and sets her suitcase down in front of a little balding man. The she begins to sing again…

Do you have a room?

Hello sir, How are you today?
I have found myself here in this city
Without a place to live
And I was wondering
If you had a vacancy
For one lonely girl
Whose wishing to make
A new start…

Do you have a room
A simple place to stay
Where my problems go away
And I can thrive

Oh sir, please give me a room
So I may see
What life is holding for me
All…I…need is a room

Mr. Bodley begins to sing

Well my dear
I’ll see what I can do (looks in log book)
We… have…
One vacancy
Just one vacancy for you
Just one place to keep your pace
It’s for you… (hands her a key)

Abby Sings
Oh sir, thank you sir
I’m glad to have this key of yours
This key that makes my heart
Begin to beat again
I’m living
I will find love
And be happy

Mr. Bodley sings
It’s just a space
A tiny little space
No more than just a place
Where people live and make a bed
But no more…

Abby Sings
Not to me…

Abby: (speaking) This is brand new start for me, Now I can find a chance to live

Abby Sings
And now I know
What is, a chance to live

Mr. Bodley: (speaking) Well enjoy it my dear and please obey the rules (starts to speak very quickly) no drinking, no thinking, no cooking after midnight, no curtains, no pets, no men with dark hair and sexy eyes, no sisters, too loud, no fighting, too proud
And most importantly….
No dying
You die I bury you in the backyard.
Mr. Bodley leans forward and whispers
When someone dies here it takes a lot of paperwork, so if you find yourself without a pulse I will have to dispose of you myself.

Abby: That’s fine Mr. Bodley, Thank You.

Scene Ends

Scene III

Abby’s rented room is small and very dingy. The white walls are now grey, the mattress is thin, yellow, and lumpy. There is one window high above the bed, which is brown from dirt.
Abby is sitting on her dingy mattress next to her suitcase, happily taking in her new surroundings. Then her conscience appears again.

Conscience: So Weepy, are we happy now.

Abby: I’m not Weepy and yes very happy. I don’t feel guilty at all

Conscience: (speaking in a matter of fact tone) I’ve been in the Bahamas on vacation

Abby: (asks in a chatty way) Oh how was it, I hear it’s beautiful there?

Conscience: Oh it was the most beau- (he suddenly stops and turns to her again) Wait a minute! I’m not here to chat, why am I here? (rubs his chin with a puzzled expression).

Abby: To make me feel miserable/

Conscience: Yes, yes that is my purpose (speaks in a sarcastic tone and giggles slightly). I am going to make you guilty, it’s for your own good.

Abby: You no longer have a hold on my soul Conscience, I’m free (pulls her hands out as if to represent flying and being liberated)

Conscience: Oh I don’t need to have a hold on your soul (still giggling). I talked to your sister last night.

Abby: Rachel? Why?

Conscience: to remind you about your family so you’ll feel guilty.

Abby: What’s your problem, (looks him up and down again, angrily) you little evil thing?

Conscience: No honey, I’m not evil. I’m your conscience.

Abby: Now I know why I can’t stand you. But you can’t make me feel guilty without Rachel being here to scold me.

Conscience: (laughs for a moment) I told her where you were.

A loud knock and a woman’s voice is heard at the door.

Conscience: (smacks Abby in the back of the head) I am making you feel guilty for worrying those who love you. You were so busy being selfish and feeling bad about yourself that you forgot there are those who love you.

Abby looks down at her feet and sighs to herself. You can still hear commotion and knocking from her sister behind the door.
Conscience stands up and goes to hide in the closet.
Abby slowly opens the door and Rachel bursts through the door red faced and out of breath.

Rachel: what are you doing here? Come home now before you ruin your life.

Abby: (turns from her sister out of shame and in a daze) I wasn’t living before Rachel. I spent all of my time pining after a man who didn’t want me and was useless to everyone. I was wasted space, not doing anything that mattered.
But I want to change that. I am tired of being lonely and sitting around feeling sorry for myself and I want to do more. I want to mean something to the people here. I want to do some sort of good. Good I couldn’t do when I was back there feeling depressed and dejected.
I’m ashamed of myself Rachel (says in a whisper)…

Rachel: Up until now you’ve always been kind and helped others. And Dr. Ackerman isn’t worth your time? I don’t understand why you don’t feel you have any worth. You mean so much to me.

Abby: Because I’m not worth anything, you should just forget I ever existed. I can’t do it anymore, I can’t even look at myself in the mirror.

Rachel: So, instead of coming to talk to me, you just left without a trace. I was worried about you (sits down beside Abby and places her hand on Abby’s arm). The only reason I knew where you were was because of that ugly little man who said he knew where you were (shudders a little)

Conscience: (from behind the closet door) Hey!

Rachel: (turns her head toward the closet) what was that?

Abby; Me! I shouted, hey! He’s a good friend of mine, even if he is ugly.

Rachel: Oh sorry. So are you coming home?

Abby: No (shakes her head in sorrow), I’m done. I’m tired of feeling shameful and crying all of the time. I can’t keep failing everyone just because I have affection for a certain someone who doesn’t care about me. There are more important things.

Abby Sings

I never meant to hurt you
I wanted to show you
But I never did
No I never did
And it’s my shame
It’s my shame Rachel Sings in unison with Abby

Would someone love me I love you
If they saw my heart And I know what your heart says
It’s not pure You didn’t hurt me
No it’s not pure You mean more to me
And it’s my shame Than you can know
It’s my shame Why are you ashamed?

My shame… I love you…

Rachel: (speaking) You should never be ashamed to be in love with a man. It’s part of being a human being. And he isn’t worth it. But if you feel running away will solve your problems then stay here, but I promise you won’t be any happier.

Rachel sings

He never meant to hurt you
But you fell in love
And he never did
No he never did
And you’re ashamed
You’re ashamed

But there are those
Who love you
For who you are
And we have seen your heart

It’s sincere
Oh it’s so sincere
But you’re ashamed
You’re still ashamed

Abby sings
And it’s my shame…
I love him…
But I’m not worthy…
I’m ashamed…

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

This Sunday I am reaching a milestone in my life. And it came up on me so quickly. In a way it is a time where I will be officially be coming of age and finishing my ascent into full womanhood. I hope to reach my full potential with poise and dignity and enjoy being happy. Or maybe not completely.
This weekend I am going to eat junk food, enjoy lots of cake, and do as little homework as possible. Yes I am reaching a milestone, but I am also going to be spending all week studying and working and want a chance to visit with my family and celebrate the ups and downs we have had over the years. I want to be able to do more for them in my life and leave a legacy of giving and sharing. I enjoy seeing other people happy and am learning how not to be selfish.
It's going to be a great birthday and hopefully a great life!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Just some thoughts

I was in the shower last night praying and musing about some things that had been going on in my life. I spent some of the time stressed thinking about work that needed to be done and responsiblities that needed to be fulfilled. And I suddenly felt as if it were all hopeless and that I was going to fail. But then I said a prayer and thought again. Was it really as bad as I had always said it was? Was I really that unfortunate? And I soon began to think about the blessings that I had already been given by God and was dumbfounded about how much my murmuring and complaining was making me miserable.

Like the Israelites in the desert, I wanted more than what I needed. And so I griped to whomever I could possibly find and in turn left a dark cloud hovering over my head. And as I was standing in the shower, the shampoo falling down my forehead and into my eyes, I realized that those small irritations I was blowing out of proportion were just that, small. These minimal issues I was dealing with really was nothing to complain about.

So I have given myself a new goal. I want to try to stop complaining and murmuring and to take what life and God brings my way. So, I am starting by praying and spending time in God's word.

Monday, August 11, 2008

RA retreat

We went on a camping retreat in order to get to know the team of people we would be working with better. So we went to our RFL's (resident faculty leader) cabin and hung out in or around the river. All weekend it was beautiful and sunny. we spent a lot of time together and worked on many team building activities. And although we couldn't shower in those two days we all had so much fun :-).

As a resident assistant we have to do bulletin boards for our residents (picture left). On ours we decided to include important information about the offices around campus and the hours of operation of important places such as the library. We also had to make door decorations for all of the people on our floor so as to help others learn each others names. This one is mine.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Adventures of a new RA

This semester at WVU I am embarking on a new adventure. I have decided to become an RA at Pierpont Apartments. Please join me as I begin my first exciting leadership journey into a realm unknown.

The first set of pictures is from the apartment. It is the nicest place I have lived so far...